Gently, and slowly you put it in her.
All the way down to the base.
Until its fully inserted.
Seductively she orders you:
“Fill me up Daddy“
So you do.
You pump her good.
You fill her up to the brim.
As you pull out.
You shake and tap your pipe against the rim of her opening until there’s no droplets left.
The smell is orgasmic.
There’s no sweeter smell.
Especially when it’s first thing before the rush hour traffic.
You screw the cap on tight.
You need to go and pay.
You grab yourself a bottle of water and a snickers
The gas station assistant asks
“Any petrol today?”
You reply smug
It’s a diesel
She doesnt find it funny
Screw electric powered cars the tree huggers can keep them.
Screw the planet
If it ain’t fossil it ain’t shit.
Got my daughter a goldfish in a bag for Christmas.
Put holes in the bag to help it breathe – can’t wait to see her little face when I give it to her later.
With the engine off.
They both sat in the car.
“Daddy what happens when you die?” his 5 year old Daughter asked.
Well, you know when you go to sleep?
Its like that. But forever.
She replied quietly
Where is it?
I could’ve sworn I left it there.
Haven’t got time for this.
Where the fuck have I put it?
Wish people wouldn’t move my shit.
There it is, right where I left it, I put it there yesterday to remind me.
Well in brain.
My 30 day 30 vidz didn’t start well. I uploaded a video for it only to be pulled due to copyright infringement.
I’ll upload it here. If it gets pulled, which it might. Then I’m burning all of my Rod Stewart merch.
Back to the drawing board, where I will re-edit the video with music from an artist who is worth the steam from off of my urine
The loud noise that woke me up came from downstairs.
It was from the TV, it was Luwan’s annoying voice. She was the mother of her sons youtube channel, Ryan’s Toy review.
Her voice sounded like a high pitched screech – nails down a black board.
For the TV to come on so early, it couldn’t be my wife, she also detests that show.
It could only be one person – my daughter.
She’s up early again. It’s not even light outside and the clocks haven’t gone back yet so I’m guessing its around 5ish.
I’m dreading going down, she’ll have the remote and she’ll be like Gollum if I try to take it from her.
Can’t be arsed getting into an argument, it’s too early for that shit. However I don’t wanna watch the programme either.
As much as I’d prefer to stay in bed spooning the lady. My daughter can’t be left unattended for too long also Luwan’s air raid siren voice isn’t getting any quieter. I’m awake.
Best go downstairs I’m going for the second option which involves lolling on the sofa.
If I grab myself a coffee maybe just maybe it could save me until the sun comes up.
I came across Don Hertzfeldt’s work. Check his work out, its lush
Gave me an idea. So I ran with it.
Here’s mine and my good lady’s stop motion antics from last night.
Yesterday me and the good lady tied the knot.
We’re now officially his and hers – Mr and Mrs Collings.
What a day.
To the Guys and Gals. Mahoosive thank you for giving up your time yesterday, I feel honoured that you could attend what will go down as one of the best days of my life.